Friday, June 19, 2009

The stigma of sex

There's a gender dichotomy inherent in the United States involving sex, and I'm sick of it. It's quite probable that this issue affects other cultures outside the US, but seeing as I have no experience in other locations, I cannot comment effectively. Among the males of the species, having multiple partners is seen as a good thing. It means the male has "game," that he's a "player." He has many sexual "conquests." However, when a female has many sexual partners, she is seen as "loose," immoral, "easy," and often called a slut. A woman's reputation can be tarnished by her sexual exploits, while men receive the reverse treatment-their reputations are socially improved by multiple partners.

Personally, I'm tired of this shiznit. The current generation of 20 somethings (of which I am a part) is decreasing this societal discord, at least how I see it. It appears that many are returning to a bit of a 60's take on sexual identity, enthusiasm, and general freedom. Many women of this age group are no longer being labeled poorly for their choice in extracurricular activities. Men seem to be embracing more this concept of women being just as much pros in bed as they are-if not more so.

One of the best side effects of this is an improvement in women's self confidence. We no longer have to feel guilty for wanting sex, getting sex, and having sex. We can ask for sex if we so choose. We are not required to wait, be coy, and above all, protect our chastity. Humans are sexual creatures. We were built for copulation (whether it involves procreation or not); we have these nifty interlocking bodies that well, interlock. We are one of the few species on this entire planet who have sex for pleasure, and do so. We are not required to register each other's pheromones for improved viability and virility.

However, society and health issues still maintain some importance. For men and women who do choose to be sexually active, I can only hope that they provide their own protection. Quite simply, every individual should be prepared to protect themselves. Disease is common - though mostly treatable - and shouldn't be taken lightly. While some STD's can be cured, others will be lifelong afflictions, possibly causing harm to others. Pregnancy is a common concern. If you haven't had the baby talk with your partner, then you should not let a baby happen. Some subcultures are more open to sexually active women, while others still remain closed off. In some places, it is dangerous for women to have their sexual activity known. There are, unfortunately, people out there who believe that if you've had sex with someone, they can have sex with you. Rape is painfully common all over the world (this will be discussed in detail in a separate post). People can be and are ostracized from their communities because of their sexual decisions. So, while there have been some improvements to the sexual dichotomy in the US, it does still exist, and will for quite some time.

One last thing: please, protect yourself. People do lie-especially when pleasure is involved. Just because a gal says she's on the pill, doesn't mean she is, or that she remembers to take it every day. Just because someone says they're clean, doesn't mean they are. So, for those lovely people who choose to get some enjoyment out of their interlocking parts, have fun, and be safe.


  1. Very well said! Since I don't do well at all with coyness (being horribly socially awkward and all), the most rewarding sexual encounters I've had were unambiguous on the part of my partner.

    If anyone thinks less of a girl for wanting sex, they should damn well equally think less of a guy for the same reason. Then maybe get together in a little group and congregate together, maybe once a week. Say on Sunday. And stigmatize other behaviours. Then get in trouble when they violate their own stigmatized behaviours and look like total hypocrites.

  2. Well said.

    I hypothesize that men thinking any woman who has had sex before should be available to have sex with them specifically is a continuation of men denigrating women's intelligence at large by pegging them into small labels. "Good girl", "nerdy girl", "slut", etc. Dehumanizing a woman with a simple label simplifies her and consequently lessens men's assumed obligation to intellectual engagement. It's lazy, mean, and stupid--and it only furthers misunderstandings between genders--but too many men are currently stuck in that rut.